The art of buying a mobile phone

FOR F***'s SAKE, all I want is a telephone that works. Well and long.
But I am unwillingly drawn into this unnavigable jungle of merchandise galore. Trapped here, lost in the grasping arms of the marketing world, grabbing at me with sticky claws trying to pound my brain.
But NO you f***ers - you won't get ME.

In fact just the opposite. I want to escape as soon as possible.

As soon as I have found a telephone that:

• Saves a list of numbers so that I have to dial only a few buttons to call somebody


• Has wonderfully durable keys that don't get stuck after 6 months of continuous sms'ing


• Is Dirt-, Dust- and Drool proof


• Weighs less than a brick in my pocket


• Has a camera to document whatever I feel like documenting in a reasonable quality


• A relatively simple button navigation system


• Has colour screen - a feature I've learned to appreciate after resisting for as many years as my 3210 lasted´


• Is relatively inexpensive and without ties!

I was happy with a Nokia 3210 for many years. It was the most durable phone I've ever had.

Unfortunately I had to get rid of it the day it needed a new pad of keys as every single shop attendant smiled pittyfully at me telling me that I was asking for accessories for a model no longer in production. As if that was somehting to be pittied for!

I do NOT want:

A telephone priced around 1000 euros with a fancy name made in a fancy high tech space material (for f'***s sake, you can actually get phones made of titanium, glass and CARBON!) or even worse, a phone which features a gemstone navigation key and a soft leather finish !!!!

And especially not a phone described as, well, can you believe it: "A harmony of sensual and sensory experience (hmm, have to check the specifications if it has somehting to do with it's vibrator??)... reflecting the creative inspiration behind this modern masterpiece" - sounds like the 8th wonder of the world, how will they top this next year?? Phone with built-in spaceship?

- The carbon phone even has intuitive capacities:"The living wall paper continues to glow and grow intuitively" Well, you keep that paper inside the phone, wouldn't have a glowing and growing paper on MY walls! Especially not if it's growth is intuitively motivated. Who knows what a wall paper's intuition is up to?

So, if anybody has a suggestion to a proper purchase for my needs (listed above) it would be most wellcome, thank you.

And don't tell me the CK 800 from China

as I have no desire to drop it from a 100m scaffold or dive with it under water...